Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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