i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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