If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We left the knife in your bed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
