Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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