I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
