I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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