when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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