this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
