I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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