Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
