I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
