I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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