If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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