ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
