; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
