grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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