I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
