oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
