i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
