haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
