Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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