sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
