The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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