Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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