i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
