I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
