I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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