I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
