She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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