Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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