so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
