There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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