Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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