Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
