My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
