i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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