Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
