Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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