what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
