You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
