I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
