So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
