The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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