If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
