I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
