come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
