Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
