I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
