Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
