Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
babies were throwing up all over the place
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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